Falling in love is a terrifying ordeal.
We witness people around us every day falling both in and out of love. The news reports on celebrity break-ups and make-ups. The wedding industry has turned away from love and into commercialism growing to an empire of 40 billion US dollars per year in the United States alone. In Australia, one third of marriages end in divorce – with 29% of the countries population never to marry.
Falling in love is overwhelming, scary and confusing. If you have ever been in love more than once, it can be messy. Emotions are complicated, and feelings are at some stage bound to be compared. You will find yourself asking “is this how it’s supposed to be?” more than once if you have fallen out of love, only to fall in love again. We are not taught as children that love is unique and different. We know of only the love in Romantic Comedy Movies and Pop Songs as naive teenagers. We do believe the person we fall in love with when we are 18 is who we are meant to be with.
How do we even know who we are when we are so young, to know we are meant to be? What do we sacrifice when we give our everything to someone while we are so young? If I have learnt anything about love recently, it is that there should be no regrets in love. I have realised that every experience can be a lesson. With the loss of love we learn who we are, what we don’t want and who we don’t need. You can be upset, but do not dwell on the negative for too long. Be thankful for the moments you had that were wonderful with a previous love. At some point, they were exactly what you needed. The person you are is shaped by past experiences regardless of how painful they may feel.
For my former love, I thank him for providing a safe and loving environment when we first met. I was able to discover myself through discovering you. I am thankful for the warmth we shared and moments we had in a small town we were both too big for. You were my confidant, my closest friend and for almost 5 years you were family. Knowing you has shaped who I am today. I will always remember the joy I had in your life when we were young and walking the beaches together at night. The 16 year old self I hold onto will always miss the 18 year old you I fell in love with. Losing you however, taught me to be brave. Mourning you let me experience grief and understand acceptance. Most importantly, saying goodbye to you let me find myself.
Finding myself led me to my second love. The man I call the love of my life.
I remember catching the train ride after just spending time alone with you for the first time. My palms were sweaty and I was going over every little thing you had said trying to make sense of it all. The smile on my face would not go away and to this day it has not left. I was nervous and bemused and smitten. You captivated me, shaking my foundations and offering a completely unexpected turn of events in my life. Being with you has been emotionally draining, every month we say hello and goodbye, going from spending the nights together to laying in bed alone. But I am never truly alone. Part of me is forever with you just as I have stolen a part of your heart to hold onto while you are away. I miss your awful jokes and your terrible hair. I scold you when you shave and make fun of your dress sense almost daily. You argue with me over everything and you’re the first person I have met who openly tells me I am ridiculous and overreacting. I’ve never felt more at home with another soul than how I feel when I am with you. We have to have met in a previous life, because I can’t fathom how knowing you for only one year I know without question that you are the man I want to spend forever with. I want you because you make me want to be me. Knowing you has let me grow into the person I am supposed to be, I hope I have done the same for you too.
My parents were high school sweethearts. I know that once they loved each other more than anything, just as I did with my ex. Unfortunately, love is messy and complicated. It changes, it evolves and it can be unpredictable. My parents we not meant for one another. Today they are both in love again with who they are meant to be with. We have learnt the same lessons together, that love is not always patient and kind. Love doesn’t last forever – but that’s okay. Love is a lesson we can all learn from.
Love is absolutely frightening. Love is however, entirely worth the risk of heartache. I am a romantic and forever will have a passionate heart. If you love something, let it know.
I have been astonished that men could die martyrs
for their religion–
I have shuddered at it,
I shudder no more.
I could be martyred for my religion.
Love is my religion
and I could die for that.
I could die for you.
My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet.
– John Keats
Timothy James, I love you with all that I am. Thank you for letting me discover who I really am. Thank you for being there for me on the hardest days and brightening my darkest moments.
I love you endlessly. I love you infinitely. I love you unconditionally. I love you always.
Let’s run away together.